How would you like your criticism?

Seems like a stupid question.  No one likes criticism, do they?  But, then again, why does it bother us so much?  A couple months ago, I asked a small group of men that I met with weekly, if they would criticize me.  Actually, I asked them for feedback.  I told them I thought they knew me well enough that they should be able to tell me what they didn’t like about me, or at least, what areas of my life they thought I should be working on to be a better follower of Christ.

They found it very difficult to think of anything; not because I was such a great guy, but because they weren’t prepared for the question.  The truth is we choose to spend our time with people that appear to enjoy being around us, people that we assume like us.  One way we continue to be able to spend time with these people is that we continue to focus on those things that we have in common, or that we value or like in each other.  We don’t typically look for the things that we don’t like, or if there are such things, we don’t dwell on them.

It’s true in most of the relationships we are in.  We form our relationships, in the first place, around places where we can easily connect.  Ask yourself, have you ever deliberately decided to spend more time hanging out with people you don’t like?  Why would you do that?  It would make you miserable.  If there are differences, we tend to overlook those; if there are enough commonalities; we don’t want to risk losing the relationship.

Yet in Scripture, we are encouraged not to ignore these differences, especially if these are areas of sin in our brother’s life (Gal. 6:1-2; etc.).  We are told there is benefit to doing this.  In Prov. 9:7-12, Solomon suggests that reproof taken well will lead to wisdom and further learning.

So, why do we despise criticism?  Because it isn’t always constructive.  We allow it to affect our self-esteem, our sense of worth, to impact our initiative and our motivation.  I love this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”  Criticism is not the culprit, it is what we do with it, how we handle it.

In Oswald Sanders’ book, “Spiritual Leadership,” he warns against defending ourselves.  He cites the response of Samuel Brengle to his critics, “I thank you for your criticism of my life.  It set me to self-examination and heart-searching and prayer, which always leads me into a deeper sense of my utter dependence on Jesus for holiness of heart, and into sweeter fellowship with Him.”  Sanders’ encouragement is to turn a “curse into a blessing, a liability into an asset.”

We can also look at Paul and his handling of criticism.  To the Corinthians, Paul wrote, “I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court…It is the Lord who judges me (I Cor. 4:3-4).”  As Sanders notes, “Independence from human opinion can be a valuable asset to the person whose life goal is the glory of God.”

How would you like your criticism…rare or well done?

 

Godspeed, Phil