Thanks mom...I love you

I had to find some way to honor my mother who passed away a few days ago.  Tonight, it struck me what it was about her that I will miss the most.  I put a picture of her with my kids on my computer as a screensaver.  As I stared at it, it was the perfect pose.  It seemed so real that it brought me to tears.  As I continued to gaze at the expression on her face, I realized what it was; it was the half-smile and attentive eyes looking back at me.  It was what the expression was communicating that was important.  The look on her face said, "I care about what is of concern to you and I will support you in any way that I can; but..."

My mom was my biggest advocate.  She was really my hero.  She was actually my aunt, someone who married into the family; but, when I was placed in an orphange, she decided to take me and raise me herself.  That's how she became my mom.  She had to fight my biological father to do it, but she did.  She fought for me on more than a few occasions after that as well.  Some of those battles were fought on her knees.  She was a strong woman of faith and she modeled that faith for me.  She didn't preach, but, she taught me much about God by the way she lived.  I know that I disappointed her many times and hurt her deeply by some of the poor decisions I made.  I praise God she knows that my heart is right with God today.

As my biggest supporter, I turned to her often with what was going on in my life.  She was one person I could turn to who always cared about what was going on in my life.  She knew of the good times and the difficult times I had to face.  I called her when I had surgery and asked for her prayers.  What I really wanted was to be comforted by her, even though I was 25 years old.  I shared with her of trials at work, challenges of parenting, struggles with my faith, as well as the victories, dreams, and successes.  I always wanted to share with her; because, I knew she cared and would be supportive, but...

I loved to tease my mom.  That was sometimes what that smile was about, but at other times, it said, "You aren't fooling anybody but yourself."  From the time I was young, I saw she was a woman who had wisdom.  She knew what I needed and often that was what she gave me, but she taught me many lessons on how to do without.  She taught me about humility, trust in God and His faithfulness, and about being a servant.  In her life, others always came first.  She wouldn't tolerate selfishness in me either.  But, she more than made up for what I gave up, by giving me her love and support.

And, that is what I will miss the most.  We have so few people in our lives who are willing to love us unconditionally.  When we lose one, that means we have even fewer.  I will miss not being able to tell her about how my kids are driving me crazy, and at the same time, how proud of them I am.  I will miss asking her for prayers when I go on mission trips.  I will miss seeing her smile and experiencing her love and support, as well as her "but..."  I will rejoice in her being with our Lord and Savior, in the presence of the most holy One, but...I am happy for her.  She will be very hard to replace.

Decisions, decisions???

Does God care whether I buy a VW or a Cadillac if I can afford either one?
That isn't the question I really want to address but it illustrates sometimes the debate over whether we can know the will of God or not.  This question actually came up in an adult Sunday School class I attended once upon a time.  It led to a very spirited debate.  Quite frankly, I don't even remember what the topic of discussion was about in the first place.

The question I really want to ask is, "At what point do we involve God in our decision-making?  Often it isn't until after all the details have been worked out and we are asking God to bless what we have already done or decided to do.  For some, it isn't until their decisions have led to a crisis or place of difficulty where they know they have no other resort than to ask God to bail them out...again.

When you read the Old Testament, especially the books of I & II Kings and Judges, you see this was the pattern of the people of Israel.  They would forget the things the Lord had done for them, make decisions to worship other gods, wind up in captivity, and then ask God to come to their rescue.  We look with incredulity at their ignorance, but are we really any different?

If we truly want to be different, we might want to look at the example of Gideon.  He presented to God all the questions and concerns that he had, as well as the self-doubt he felt when he thought about being a leader (Judges 6).  His protests were heard by God but God's response was simply to say, "I will be with you."  And that is all that was needed.

The same is true for us.  We don't need to know the future.  We don't need to see the whole picture.  We need only to know that God is with us.  And God is willing to do whatever we need for Him to be real to us.  God does not punish us for our doubts, fears, and uncertainties.  He does not mind that we put Him to the test.  He invites us to do so.  God wants us to know that He has no intention of letting us down or allowing us to fail.  But, we need to be honest with Him about our concerns and look for His reassurance.  His words to us are similar to those He spoke to Gideon, "Go in the strength you have...Am I not sending you?"

What should we do?

How should a leader respond?  How should any of us respond?  Of course I'm talking about the senseless killing of 26 people, mostly grade-school children in Connecticut.  Is there a right way to respond?  Today after worship, it was the subject of many conversations, including several at home.  One thing I am convinced of is that our response depends on who is asking and what they are asking.

An incident like this creates conflicting emotions in us of confusion, curiousity, and concern.  Most of us wonder why this happened, but most likely we won't every really know the answer completely.  We can assume it was an angry young man who was very disturbed.  Aside from that, we shouldn't try to make too much sense of it, because it doesn't make sense.  It was an irrational act and not the action of a person whose mind was in the right place.

Others have expressed concern.  Mostly we feel helpless because we are not in a position to minister directly to those who are hurting the most, the families and friends of the victims.  We can pray for them.  If we want to do something tangible, we could send flowers or cards.  Maybe there are other creative ways we can let them know we are sorry for their loss, but there really isn't much we can do that really matters, other than pray.  And, that does make a difference.  We can believe that it does.  But, what other response would be appropriate at this time?

The most challenging question we all have to deal with is, "What do we do with this?"  What do we do with this tragic, surreal event, so that we can get on with our own lives, and not let it have a negative impact on us.  True, this didn't happen to us, but it happened and it affects our worldview.  It has happened before, many times now.  It is happening with more and more frequency.  What is going on here and what needs to be done about it?  Something needs to be done, right?

In my children's school tomorrow, they will be asked to participate in an activity that the teachers "hope will provide some reassurance and faith in each other."  Their other objectives are admirable, but even my 12-year-old son was able to see what was wrong with what they were trying to accomplish.  They want it all to go away.  They want everything to get better.  They want everybody to like each other again and get along.  But as he was able to understand, nothing is going to get better until we get better.  In a passage most of us by now are familiar with, the Lord told Solomon and the people of Israel, "If my people who are called by my name, will humble themselves and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land (II Chron. 7:14)."

No, I am not saying this is God's judgement on anyone in particular.  I am absolutely not saying these children died because they had sinned.  We are responsible, not them.  They are innocent, but we are not.  At times like this, our best response is to turn to God and ask forgiveness.  We have to accept some of the responsibility for a culture in which young men turn out this way.  There have been too many incidents similar to this, for us to turn away and pretend things aren't so bad.  We can't keep saying that this is an unusual situation.  And that is why some of us will continue to think about this and wonder about it and wonder if we shouldn't do something about it.

If we accept our own responsibility, confess our own sin, that will create space for God to speak to us and show us what He wants to do through this.  Nothing that we try to do on our own will make much of a difference.  We want too quickly to get past it and forget about it.  Our efforts will be merely bandaids on a gaping wound.  Though God did not prevent this incident from happening, He has promised that He can bring good out of it.  He can bring about healing...for those who were most affected and for the rest of us.  But, leaders especially must submit to God and ask for Him to lead us in our understanding of how we should respond.  We must come before Him with humility and ask for His forgiveness and ask for Him to heal us, and to heal others through us.

Godspeed, Doulos

If you would be interested in a study on "Leading From the Heart" contact me at:
Email: eph411ff@yahoo.com
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/phillip-foster/36/130/5b1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How does a young man keep his way pure?

It isn't easy.  Aside from my own personal struggle, I have worked with hundreds, yes hundreds of  men who have struggled to keep their lives pure: single men, married men, pre-teens, teens, young adults, middle age adults, businessmen, blue collar workers, Bible college students, and pastors.  No one seems exempt from having to fight this battle.  In fact, Steve Arterburn called his book by the title, "Every Man's Battle."  There are many who have fallen, bodies strewn along the paths, jobs lost, marriages ended, families destroyed.  There is no way of calculating the amount of damage that has been done.  But, what is a young man to do?  The temptation is everywhere you turn.  You can't escape it.  So, what is the answer?  How does a young man keep his way pure?

The Psalmist tells us the answer, "By living according to your word (Ps. 119:9)."

Seems simple enough.  Thankfully, he gives us further instructions.  Three things are important:

1. Seek God with all your heart.
2. Hide God's Word in your heart.
3. Follow His statutes.

God tells us through Jeremiah, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (Jer. 29:13)."  Why is this important?  Because, God has a plan for our lives; but, unless we put our all into it, we will never know it.  Many of those I have worked with are unwilling to put forth the effort that it will take to remain pure.  The writer of Proverbs tells of the young man who was so simple, who did not bother to discern the right thing to do, that failed to keep his way pure, who experienced the consequences for being that way.  Purity is not accomplished through being passive.  Paul wrote to the Philippians that, among other things, whatever is pure they should put their focus upon.  Most importantly, we must focus upon God's plan for our lives and we can know that through His word.

The Psalmist speaks of hiding God's word in his heart so that he doesn't sin.  That doesn't mean he put it somewhere that he couldn't find it.  Later, he writes, "With my lips I recount all the laws that come from your mouth (v. 13)."  He also states, "I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways; I will not neglect your word (v. 15-16)."  Does this sound like a casual approach to dealing with temptation?  No.  This is a soldier arming himself with the weapons he needs to be able to fight the battle he knows he will have to face.  Just as Jesus fought with the enemy in the wilderness with the Scripture, we need to be prepared with an answer from the Word when we are tempted to sin.

The Psalmist states, "I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches (v. 14)."  For him, it wasn't a chore, an obligation or another responsibility.  Why is he so excited about following a bunch of rules?  We get an idea of what made this important to him later in this chapter, "Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors (vs. 24)."  In other parts of this same chapter, he states that keeping God's word gives him freedom, strength, comfort in suffering, deliverance.  "All Scripture is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness (II Tim. 3:16)."  It is especially useful for helping a young man remain pure...an old man as well.

Godspeed, Doulos

The Oxygen Mask Principle

Believe it or not, God really wants us to enjoy a good life.  Peter Scazzero writes in his book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, "God never asked us to die to the healthy desires and pleasures of life--to friendships, joy, art, music, beauty, recreation, laughter, and nature."  However, some of us act as though it is a sin to even take care of our most basic needs, let alone do something for ourselves that we want to do.  As a professional people-helper, I know that I must take care of myself if I am to be able to help anyone else.  I call it the "oxygen mask principle."

If you have ever been on an airplane and observed the steward(ess) give the spiel on what to do if there is a crisis on board, you will remember that she provides instructions on what to do when the oxygen mask drops down.  You are to put it on yourself before putting it on the child next to you (assuming it is your own child).  Why?  Because if you pass out from a lack of oxygen, you won't be able to help the child.  The same is true in ministry.  If you don't take care of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, you won't be in a position to help others.

This is a truth I have shared with parents, physicians, pastors, and other counselors. but it is especially true for those in the ministry or practice of helping others.  Although we are instructed to consider the needs of others before our own, and to be willing to lay down our lives for another, we are also told to love others as ourselves.  To love ourselves is not an act of selfishness, but rather good stewardship.  Trying to meet the needs of others without taking care of ourselves is like trying to fill a glass with an empty pitcher.

Good stewardship of self means, first of all, meeting our own spiritual needs by spending time nurturing your own relationship with God.  Jesus modeled this quite well.  We read in the Scripture that He often would go somewhere to pray by Himself (Matt. 14:23; Mark 1:35, 6:46; Luke 5:16).  Scazzero warns us that, "work for God that is not nourished by a deep interior life with God will eventually be contaminated by other things such as ego, power, needing approval of and from others, and buying into the wrong ideas of success and the mistaken belief that we can't fail."

Those ministering to others also need to be certain their emotional needs are met, as well as their physical needs, and other needs.  I hope to address those in later blogs.  But, I would encourage you to start by making time with the Lord your highest priority.  As I have said before, create space for God, so that He can demonstrate His love for you, bring healing to you, and give you the desires of your heart.

Godspeed, Doulos