I had to find some way to honor my mother who passed away a few days ago. Tonight, it struck me what it was about her that I will miss the most. I put a picture of her with my kids on my computer as a screensaver. As I stared at it, it was the perfect pose. It seemed so real that it brought me to tears. As I continued to gaze at the expression on her face, I realized what it was; it was the half-smile and attentive eyes looking back at me. It was what the expression was communicating that was important. The look on her face said, "I care about what is of concern to you and I will support you in any way that I can; but..."
My mom was my biggest advocate. She was really my hero. She was actually my aunt, someone who married into the family; but, when I was placed in an orphange, she decided to take me and raise me herself. That's how she became my mom. She had to fight my biological father to do it, but she did. She fought for me on more than a few occasions after that as well. Some of those battles were fought on her knees. She was a strong woman of faith and she modeled that faith for me. She didn't preach, but, she taught me much about God by the way she lived. I know that I disappointed her many times and hurt her deeply by some of the poor decisions I made. I praise God she knows that my heart is right with God today.
As my biggest supporter, I turned to her often with what was going on in my life. She was one person I could turn to who always cared about what was going on in my life. She knew of the good times and the difficult times I had to face. I called her when I had surgery and asked for her prayers. What I really wanted was to be comforted by her, even though I was 25 years old. I shared with her of trials at work, challenges of parenting, struggles with my faith, as well as the victories, dreams, and successes. I always wanted to share with her; because, I knew she cared and would be supportive, but...
I loved to tease my mom. That was sometimes what that smile was about, but at other times, it said, "You aren't fooling anybody but yourself." From the time I was young, I saw she was a woman who had wisdom. She knew what I needed and often that was what she gave me, but she taught me many lessons on how to do without. She taught me about humility, trust in God and His faithfulness, and about being a servant. In her life, others always came first. She wouldn't tolerate selfishness in me either. But, she more than made up for what I gave up, by giving me her love and support.
And, that is what I will miss the most. We have so few people in our lives who are willing to love us unconditionally. When we lose one, that means we have even fewer. I will miss not being able to tell her about how my kids are driving me crazy, and at the same time, how proud of them I am. I will miss asking her for prayers when I go on mission trips. I will miss seeing her smile and experiencing her love and support, as well as her "but..." I will rejoice in her being with our Lord and Savior, in the presence of the most holy One, but...I am happy for her. She will be very hard to replace.
My mom was my biggest advocate. She was really my hero. She was actually my aunt, someone who married into the family; but, when I was placed in an orphange, she decided to take me and raise me herself. That's how she became my mom. She had to fight my biological father to do it, but she did. She fought for me on more than a few occasions after that as well. Some of those battles were fought on her knees. She was a strong woman of faith and she modeled that faith for me. She didn't preach, but, she taught me much about God by the way she lived. I know that I disappointed her many times and hurt her deeply by some of the poor decisions I made. I praise God she knows that my heart is right with God today.
As my biggest supporter, I turned to her often with what was going on in my life. She was one person I could turn to who always cared about what was going on in my life. She knew of the good times and the difficult times I had to face. I called her when I had surgery and asked for her prayers. What I really wanted was to be comforted by her, even though I was 25 years old. I shared with her of trials at work, challenges of parenting, struggles with my faith, as well as the victories, dreams, and successes. I always wanted to share with her; because, I knew she cared and would be supportive, but...
I loved to tease my mom. That was sometimes what that smile was about, but at other times, it said, "You aren't fooling anybody but yourself." From the time I was young, I saw she was a woman who had wisdom. She knew what I needed and often that was what she gave me, but she taught me many lessons on how to do without. She taught me about humility, trust in God and His faithfulness, and about being a servant. In her life, others always came first. She wouldn't tolerate selfishness in me either. But, she more than made up for what I gave up, by giving me her love and support.
And, that is what I will miss the most. We have so few people in our lives who are willing to love us unconditionally. When we lose one, that means we have even fewer. I will miss not being able to tell her about how my kids are driving me crazy, and at the same time, how proud of them I am. I will miss asking her for prayers when I go on mission trips. I will miss seeing her smile and experiencing her love and support, as well as her "but..." I will rejoice in her being with our Lord and Savior, in the presence of the most holy One, but...I am happy for her. She will be very hard to replace.
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